


A Broken Soul

by Lavanyaa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Crying, How Do I Tag, Hurt, M/M, Magic Loss, Memories, Nightmares, Sad, Supportive Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-02-23 20:53:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18709783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavanyaa/pseuds/Lavanyaa
Summary: After 3x11 :After losing his magic, Magnus is stuggling with nightmares as well as his past memories, and falling apart.Luckily for him, Alec is here by his side, being the pillar of strenght Magnus needs, along with his love, and support.





	1. Monsters don't sleep under your bed, they sleep inside your head

**_They promised that dreams can come true..._ **

**_But they forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams too._ **

 

 

 

It had been two days. Two days since Magnus had lost his magic, and Alec had ended up with an arrow in his chest. Two, restless, helpless, tiring days, and Magnus felt like it had been weeks, or months. Time was going so slowly, even more than usual, and Magnus thought that this torture would never end. Alec had been asleep for the past few hours, only waking up and staying conscious for a few seconds, asking for Magnus, then drifting back to sleep again. And Magnus had never left his side. He had stayed close to Alec, holding his hand, whispering tender words to him, and speaking to him whenever he was struggling with pain, all the while still being asleep.

 

Magnus had put all his attention on Alec, because he simply refused to think about himself. He let himself ignore his problems, and his new… condition. He ignored the wide, aching pain, and the immense void and emptiness he was feeling during these past few days. He refused to think about it, and to whine about his current situation, because it wasn't going to fix anything. He was going to ignore whatever was happening with him, and was going to put his whole attention on Alec. Alec, who was the one in pain, and physically suffering right now. His problems could wait.

Right now, Alec needed him.

 

He was still asleep. Laying on their bed, his chest bandaged, and healing, Alec was resting, his back against the matress, one side of his face against his pillow, eyes closed, and deep in sleep. Magnus was next to him. He had laid down at his side, hours ago, and he kept staring at the shadowhunter's face. Magnus' hand was resting on Alec's naked waist, his fingers caressing the skin beneath, drawing small circles, not just to be close to Alec, but the proximity helped also to calm Magnus' mind.

 

His mind, full of questions and not enough answers, was playing, repeatedly, the moment when he had found Alec, on the ground, with an arrow in his chest. Whenever he closed his eyes, the image of Alec suffering, in pain appeared in front of his eyes, and his body would shiver, by only thinking about how useless and helpless he had felt, while Alec was hurt and in pain, waiting for him to take his suffering away.

 

When Magnus had found him, bleeding on the ground, he had felt the time stop, and his heart drop. He had shut down his own grief and loss, and had run toward Alec, crouching down next to him, holding his hand in his own, watching him, helplessly, bleeding in front of him. Magnus had send Jace away, and had spent the next seconds reassuring Alec, that everything was going to be fine, and that the pain would soon stop. He had called Catarina, hurrying to tell her that he needed her help, that Alec needed her help, because Magnus couldn't help anymore.

Catarina had appeared, out of her portal, and had run towards them, immediately getting in the task of healing him. She had taken one look at him, to find out that something wasn't right anymore. She had looked at him with her eyes filled with pain, shock, disbelief, and with a little bit of anger.

They had transported Alec into their loft, and Catarina had healed him, first struggling but then she had managed to heal his wound and his broken hand. Then, she had left and Magnus had spent the next hours sitting next to Alec, silent, watching him sleep.

 

Now, Magnus was laying in his bed, moving around, turning to his left and right side, unable to find sleep and peace. Alec, next to him, was sleeping. Catarina had ordered him to take a few days off from work, and had told him to stay in bed, and let other people take care of him. Catarina and Magnus hadn't talked about Magnus' situation and his loss, Magnus hadn't wanted to. He had sent her away, after thanking her, and had spend the next hours watching over Alec, letting his mind wander in dangerous places.

Alec's steady breathing was the only thing keeping him grounded now. After everything he had been through, after everything he had lost, his title, his job, his magic, his inner strength... All he had left now was Alec. He didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. Of course, Magnus knew that Alec loved him. But now … Magnus wasn't Magnus anymore. At least, that was how he was feeling. It had only been two days, but Magnus felt like a complete different person, and felt as if his whole life had changed for the worst, and it had.

 

Magnus had tried to push away his feelings... his anger, sadness, fear, pain, and thousands of other feelings he was feeling, making him harder to breathe and to keep his eyes open.

 

Rolling on his side, he looked at Alec. His eyes were closed, and he was peacefully sleeping. His chest was raising, his breathing steady, and his face clear of any signs of suffering. Magnus always loved to look at Alec whenever he was sleeping. There was always this calming sense of peace, and contentement, taking place in his heart, whenever he spent some time in the mornings or nights, looking at Alec's sleeping face.

Magnus closed his eyes, keeping Alec's face in his mind, as if it would be enough to prevent the nightmares to reach him.

 

It hadn't.

 

 

_Magnus was feeling awfully cold. Very, very, cold. Like he had never felt before. But he was also surrounded by this aura of pure, full darkness. It was not only around him, but also inside him. He felt it in his bones, this awful evil power of Edom, gripping him, by his bones._

 

_He felt it in his whole body._

 

 

_He felt it going through in every cells of his body. He felt it taint his bones, and blood, and he knew the exact moment it reached his heart. He felt a cold, firm, strong grip on his heart, and felt himself suffocate. Struggling to breathe with this unusual, terrible, dark grip on him. He didn't know what it was, but it was crushing him. Catching him, dragging him backwards, down, and down, and Magnus felt himself fall into the darkness. He couldn't fight whatever force which was crushing him, and hurting him so much. He had no idea what it was. He was standing still, in this place, surrounded by darkness and silence, but at the same time he felt like he was drowning underwater but also falling underneath the ground, which closed around him._

 

_And he was cold, so, so, cold. Like a whole bucket of ice water had been thrown at him. He felt his body shake because of it, and could feel his teeth chatter, and his blood freeze inside of him._

_It was a terror and fear that he had never felt before._

 

_The grip on his heart was getting tighter, and he felt his body froze because of how cold he was feeling..._

 

_Then, he heard a voice._

_A much dark, soothing, yet firm voice, resonated in his head._

 

_''Welcome home, son.''_

 

_No, no, no._

 

_This couldn't be happening. Magnus was safe, next to Alec, he wasn't in Edom. He simply coudldn't be. He was with his Alexander. He was safe._

 

_''Please, you really think that I would let you get away from me that easily ? I do have a revenge to take it out on you, after you've banished me for centuries, trapping me in Edom.''_

 

_Magnus could feel tears falling down on his cheeks, his eyes watering because of this awful fear he was feeling. He tried to move his arms, so he could hold himself, but he couldn't move. He didn't know why. But his body felt frozen. He wanted to scream, to call for help, but he coulldn't move his lips. The only thing he knew, was that his eyes were open, and that all he could see was darkness, and he had never felt more lonely, and abandonned. Where was everyone ? Why was he here ? What was this place ? Where was Alexander ?_

 

_This isn't real. This isn't real. Magnus was safe. He would wake up in a few seconds, he would open his eyes and he would be back in his bed, with Alexander by his side. He would wake up, and Alec would comfort him, by holding him, and whispering tender words in his ears. It was just a matter of few seconds. He would wake up. He would._

 

_''Oh, Magnus... You won't be''_

 

 

 

_And this time, Magnus screamed._


	2. It's hard to wake up from a nightmare, when the nightmare is real.

Alec had been asleep only for a few hours, but even in his sleep, Alec was feeling restless, and on edge. He had finally found some sleep, after being healed by Catarina, when he felt something move beside him. His mind ignored it, and Alec kept sleeping. But then, Alec heard whimpers, and someone crying.

 

_Magnus._

 

Before Alec could comprehend what was happening, and why was Magnus crying, he heard an awful, agonizing scream, and Alec opened his eyes with a gasp.

Adjusting his eyes to the darkness, Alec pushed himself off the bed, using his elbows and hands, and he immediately looked at his side.

 

Magnus was trashing under the bed covers, and he was moving his head right and left, with tears pouring down on his cheeks, and he was screaming. His screams were terrifying, like Alec had never heard before. It was filled with fear, pain, terror, and agony. Alec had never heard Magnus scream this way. Never. He had seen him cry, seen him angry, scared, vulnerable. But this... This was something else. Alec was frozen in shock, his whole body going stiff, and his eyes wide open, feeling lost more than ever. The next, painful, and loud scream of Magnus made Alec spring into action. He moved away a little from Magnus, and moving his hands forward, he took Magnus by his shoulder and shook him.

And he immediately drew his hands back, because Magnus was _cold._

 

He was shaking, and his screams weren't stopping. And during the moments Magnus wasn't screaming, his teeth were chattering.

 

Muttering a swear word, Alec shook Magnus again, using all the strength he had. He had no idea what Magnus was dreaming about. But he knew it was bad. If Magnus was in this state, it was really, really bad.

 

''Magnus ! Magnus wake up ! It's just a dream. It's just a dream. Magnus … Magnus, wake up damn it !''

 

_Magnus was in pain. No._

 

_Pain wouldn't be the word he would use to describe what he was feeling right now. He was feeling something worse than pain. It was agony. It was torture. He didn't know when he had started screaming, but he didn't think he would stop anytime soon._

 

_Everything around him was dark. The ony thing he was feeling was this terrible heartwrenching terror, but he saw nothing. There was no one here with him. He was alone. He was alone, and nobody was going to come here to save him. No one. Not his friends, and not Alexander. He was completely, and utterly, alone._

_He was feeling cold, and absolutely terrified. His throat was hurting from how much he was screaming. He wasn't just screaming. He was also begging. Begging to his Father, to just stop this pain. He just wanted to go back home. He wanted to go back to Alexander. He wanted for his love to hold him, and to never let go of him. The more he thought about Alec, and more the pain became unbearable. As if the only thought of his lover made the pain more persistent._

 

_Everything was dark around him, and he couldn't see a thing. All he heard was his Father's cruel laughter, ringing in his head._

_He wanted to call out to Alexander, he wanted to scream his name into the void until he would hear him, and come to get him. He wanted to get out of here. He needed to get out of here. But he couldn't pronounce a word ; all he could do was scream. Then, he heard it._

 

_A voice. A weak, one, barely audible, above his own Father's awful laugher, but Magnus still heard it. That soothing, calming, voice he had get used to these past few months. It was Alexander's._

 

_''Sshh... It's okay. I am here. I right here with you, Magnus. Just wake up for me. Please, Magnus... Please.''_

 

_Magnus wanted to answer back, to call for Alec, to tell him to come and rescue him. But Magnus could only scream, the pain in his whole body becoming more and more terrible and awful. He felt the coldness reach his heart, the grip tightening his hold around it, and Magnus' screams turned into whimpers of pain. He felt his entire body was shutting down. He felt helpless, powerless, and more lonely than ever._

 

_''Magnus, please, wake up. I am right here, okay ? I am right here.''_

 

_Magnus wanted nothing more than to believe Alec. He wanted to snap out of this terrible nightmare. But what if it wasn't a nightmare anymore ? What if this was real ? What if he was really in Edom, and Alec wasn't here with him ?_

 

_Alec. Alec. He needed to get to Alexander._

 

_''Magnus, I am right here. Open your eyes. Magnus, open your eyes !''_

 

_Magnus shut his eyes, even if it didn't change much. But he was able to focuse more on Alec's voice, and less on his Father's. He tried to calm his screams, and his whimpers, down, so he could fully concentrate on Alec's voice._

 

_''Please... Do you really think this is gonna work ? You're stuck with me son.''_

 

_''Magnus, you're safe, you're safe, open your eyes for me, come on, Magnus.''_

 

_''You're never leaving this place, Magnus.''_

 

_''Magnus, you're scaring me, please, wake up.''_

 

_''Your precious shadowhunter can't reach you.''_

 

_''Magnus, Magnus, it's okay, it's okay''_

 

_''You're going to rot in here, Magnus.''_

 

_''Magnus, please.''_

 

_''You're going to suffer, you're going to scream in agony, and no one will hear you''_

 

_''Magnus, wake up, wake up.''_

 

_''Your shadowhunter will eventually forget about you''_

 

_''Magnus,come on, you're scaring me.''_

 

_''He'll forget you. And you'll be forever alone...'' heard Magnus, his Father's loud, cold and strong voice echoing in his head, making him whimper in agony, fear filling in senses._

 

_''I love you, Magnus, open your eyes.''_

 

_Magnus' breath stuttered, and for the first time, after what felt like years, he felt warmth instead of the cold, reach his heart and it made him feel like he could breathe again._

 

_''He is never going to love-''_

 

_His Father's voice vanished from his mind, as Magnus remembered all the moments he had spent with his Alexander. Asmodeus' voice and laughter died down, as Alec's voice grew louder, his past sentences ringing in Magnus' head, filled with love, adoration, kindness, and utter devotion._

 

_''I don't care how many people you've been with.''_

 

_''I heard that relationships take effort.''_

 

_''I've always dreamed about meeting someone like you.''_

 

_''I am not going anywhere.''_

 

_''There's nothing ugly about you.''_

 

_''Magnus, all I care about is how you feel.''_

 

_''I don't think I can live without you.''_

 

_''Magnus, there are beautiful.''_

_You're beautiful.''_

 

_''I got you something. It supposed to bring you luck and protection.''_

 

_''Magnus, on every mission I've ever been on, I've never felt that type of fear, ever._

_Not knowing if you were alive or dead, I was terrified.''_

 

_''Magnus, I love you.''_

 

_''Magnus, I love you.''_

 

_Love._

 

_Multiples moments spend with Alec flashed in front of his eyes, and Magnus didn't see darkness anymore. No, he saw the light. Alec's face. And his smile. The way his eyes shine every time he looked at Magnus. The soft voice he heard every time Alec told him how important Magnus was to him. Or when he told him how much Alec loved him._

 

_Magnus welcomed the warmth and the light of Alec's love, pushing away the darkness out of his mind, ignoring his Father's call._

_He drowned in Alexander's memories, in their memories._

 

_Then, a few seconds later, he felt himself leave the dark place he had been stuck into. He felt his body being engulfed in a warm embrace, and felt a weight on top of him. He heard a soft, soothing, and comforting voice reach his ears._

 

_''It's okay, Magnus, it's okay, I am here''_

 

_It was Alec. He was finally with Alexander._

 

_So Magnus opened his eyes._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3 Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading .   
> Kudos and comments are appreciated ! 
> 
> And if you want to yell about these two, follow me on twitter : @Lavanya31101951 
> 
> <3


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